Oh Christ, What Now?

Hopefully the sky won’t fall tomorrow. 

robo-scheduled to say happy friggin BDay, dammit.

Oh Christ, I may not be the Quisatz Haderach [Do you know what that means?], (Or am I???) but I sure as shit can see a complete waste of time in these FaceBook “Quizzes”/”Tests” that claim to pry insights into the light with 5 or 7 multiple-choice questions, many of which have just plain ‘poar engrish’ goin’ on, yo.  Dumbshit be in da house!

7 multiple-choice questions, having NOTHING to do with me or my personality, are going to tell me what people notice first about me? Really!?! No shit!  I took 5 more of these oh so helpful insight generators tonight to prove to myself it was pointless drivel. And some of thier results would be considered offensive to some, no less.

I’m thinking I should just post random shit to my wall, in question / My chosen answer format. It would be more accurate if pulled from one’s ass!

Oh, let’s see, we had near-psychotic reactions to poorly stitched assumptions in late may. (Should have called the 5-0, but I didn’t-0) I put up with waaay too much crap in relationships, I proved that again somehow. At least this time I resolved that since they threw gasoline on the bridge, they sure as frack burned it down this time!!

The usual scramble for the ring each month this year – How many of us are accepting the fact that we’re still in a downward spiral?

Met someone nice along the way, this month. We’re seeing where that goes, now.

Write your congressman..  some SPAM.

If you’re like me, you get anywhere from 10 to 25 ‘legitimate’ marketing emails per day, and another 25 to 100 SPAM.

In order to fix the root of the problem, we’d have to truly ‘re-engineer’ how email gets sent & passed ON THE SERVERS. No, you cannot touch this stuff firsthand, but there’s no reason that only Google’s sparkling empire can have proper SPAM identification.

GMail is good, yes indeed. Almost an ivory tower of SPAM identification and eradication.

Yahoo is a shiny glass hi rise, at least. They’re catching up.

But, the rest of us are in the might-tip-over-in-a-high-wind brownstones. Why has no nerd made “SpamAssassin” a worthy modern tool? Where I’ve used it, it is obviously lacking.

S.P.A.M.

Yes, butt plug

We’re hoping Google will index the bejesus out of that, and we’ll climb to the top of the index for Butt Plug.

How about you diagnose an issue, figure out by deduction the very straightforward solution to correct it, tell the people who have the POWER to correct it, and they ign ore what took you half an hour to say, and proceed to act perplexed when you call them on their shit?

Doc, I have the nasty cold, maybe some antibiotics. “Sure, yeah, I agree and I’ll prescribe some.” (shuffle out, confidant he heard you)  Receptionist hands you dental floss on the way out.    Really feel heard, don’t you, now?

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Day 1 – über tech does web work, hosts 50+ domains at one upstream hosting facility. All detectable FTP permissions on all detectable domains are fine, EXCEPT the one we’re trying to whip up some _Fracken Basic_ FTP permissions on TODAY. Go fracken figure!  This is the shit OhChristWhatNow was born from, as you well know.

Day 2 – We call upstream, describe and PROVE the issue for nearly half an hour, complete with an example of how it should take 3 minutes to set this stuff up at -another- domain. “Tech coordinator” assures us he gets it, leave it in his hands. [And then...]

[Drrr!] An hour later 2 help desk tickets appear in an ABsoFriggenLutely useless place [from me to me? Hello!], so they never get to the “Admins” who can correct the matter, nor do either of them address the core issue AT ALL. My replies to them basically bounce back to me, but I didn’t notice this crap right away.

Day 3 – NEW ‘ticket’ upstream, protesting the issue IN EXACTITUDE, and its mishandling the previous day..  NO response the live long day. [Do these people actually come in to work from time to time? Christ] 4:45pm I call in, get the idea once again that they understand the gravity of it, have a clue how to fix it, and understand that the end user is getting PISSED, with good reason at this point. Midnight passes again without a fix..

Day 4 – The only question I’ll have for them at noontime is going to be WTF!?! …  I EXPLAIN the PROBLEM _AGAIN_ and PROVE the issue AGAIN to the nerd at the end of the line. BLAH BLAH BLAH ASAP, BLAH BLAH BLAH. ANother hour wasted on ANOTHER day persuing the same fracking issue that should NOT be an issue for US. Nerd at other end promises someone will call me back (ROTFL!) S..u..r..e  I’ll believe it if I see it..  Needless to say, noone calls

Day 5 – Are you kidding me? I mean, REALLY, are you kidding me? Ineptitude and lack of [read this carefully] R.E.S.P.O.N.S.I.B.I.L.I.T.Y. have been proven to me- we need a capable upstream host, these folk have just lost their will for any degree of customer satisfaction. “blah blah is #1 in customer satisfaction..” Yeah, maybe with your cousin Phil, but you guys suck, in real life. Anything hits the fan, you stick your thumbs up your ass, in stereo.

Day 6 – I know..

Day 7 – For chrissake, yes, I also WISH I was kidding…  Despite their seemingly caring approach of a voicemail at 10:30am Sunday. The moment I go to check shit after their ?fifth? “It’s fixed” message:   Da shit still don’ work, homes!

- I should NOT have to [essentially] train your support staff in how shit like HTTP, FTP, and UNIX permissions work.

- Once reported, it’s _supposed_ to be in YOUR basket, not mine. I’ve had to explain the issue in detail FIVE times, prove the issue FIVE times. This is just beyond friggin ridiculous.

- I’ve been justifiably incensed that noone is willing to take true responsibility for the matter, OR the partial outage that occured back on the 11th & lasted almost 2 days!

Yes, that’s right, the economy is down, stuff sucks in general, so they’re on the offensive again!

Fat ugly men in basements of East Bumfrack, Wisconsin, masquerading as hot twenty-something blond chicks, sending you blind messages from unknown email addresses.
Hurry, give them your credit card info before it’s too late! You’ll miss out on the live sex show (they get a commission on adding members to the roster).

Sideshows: Find yourself intrigued by the online dating site where your ‘free’ account gets 5-15 messages a day, then once you join, it drops to zero- they gotcha. And now that you’re an “insider” & can finally view ‘full profiles’, you can see the hot ones have something like 10,000 friends; they’re BAIT, dumbshit!

- They have stuff that lets their web pages _Know Where You Are_, in a general geographic sense. Does the page say “hot folk from Marmalade, TX” and you’re in neighboring “Dorkville, TX”? Well, it’s just geek tricks, so smarten up, okay?

And now, word has it, they’re abusing the good graces of Yahoo & GMail to use their valid email systems to help bamboozle the masses, as their usual false-message domains get cleaned up and secured.

We predict an absolutely infectious year, with this shit on the rise, viruses for WinBlows getting nastier, and the online hungry & smart trying harder to swindle the hungry.

We need: Legislation to shut down the spammers, and Email in general would have to be burned down & built anew to prevent their bullshit in the future…
Legislation to counterattack the virus authors: an international effort of extradition & cooperation that simply would never happen.
(Rumor has it that a lot of this shit flows out of eastern europe these days..)

For a ton of good tips of shit to avoid: http://www.stijlnet.com/pages/security/

Nothing to do but hope next year sucks less, right?

If you simply don’t know, for frack sake, admit it. It’s far simpler than “dazzling us with bullshit”, and it’s far more genuine. Stop dancing around the fact, and just admit it; “I Don’t Know”.  Simple enough?  Need counseling in order to achieve this lofty goal?

(Head Up the Butt) Disorder affects millions of americans, and is typically transmitted by verbal encounter, so be careful and don’t listen to idiots ! (Click for even larger version)

[One of our main contributors] Once again imagining that I can see the future; both with a romantic involvement and an image of some other details working out.

And let’s re-offer to bake your noodle, scroll down to the post on 7/7/08 about our eyes seeing the future- or our minds trying.

- And for anyone trying to rain on the parade;  “Ohm…  Ohm..   StepAsideMotherFrackers”.  That’s right.

[Guy walks into girlfriend's apt, closes the door. Bald cat walks across the kitchen, exits to hall..]
“Honey, I think you misunderstood me when I asked if you’d be willing to try shaving your pu**y…”

You can make the choice to not understand it when it’s implied & outright declared 4 times in a 20-minute conversation, but.. Maybe you have better luck shaking the goods out of your car mechanic via interrogation  [I doubt it!], but it won’t work with me. At some point, talking about it takes almost as much time as doing it, and this one was crossing the line. Maybe I should [for real] get a silent egg timer & set a limit they can see plain as &^%$ day. A service-based business cannot answer questions for a half hour for each soul that chooses to ask too many, unless the meter is running.

Okay, folks, now WHAT did I say about just play with your schmeckie for a few weeks until they work out the kinks? I was right!! The 3G network issues frustrating 3g iPhone users worldwide is exactly what I was talking about. ha ha

If this feature is widely adopted, you cannot cut your wiener with the table saw anymore…   Thank god. 

See it at the usual place: youtube.com

No, I don’t think you can buy them yet.   (RME= Rolling My Eyes)

Killer robots deployed on various frontiers around the world..  Y’all remember those Terminator movies? These don’t have their own wheels [yet], but we’re getting closer.

Killer Robots Story at Tomshardware.com Video at YouTube*..

Yes, yes, we all wanted one as a kid, to make mincemeat of the bully once he rounded a certain corner, but really? Death by automatic weapon wielding robot… Do we need this in our world? Christ, I think not!

Does it make anything any better to know that it’s South Korea using them, keeping out the communists to the north? I didn’t think so.

Simply strap this bitch onto an R.C. car and hello, armageddon!

Damn, that’s one nasty machine… Watch it at  youtube.com*

Can I have one? >:-D

No, wait, THIS one.. youtube.com*

What to do when someone just can’t manage to be respectful, no matter how hard you truly try? Persists in their self-supporting delusion upon reality? I can admit guilt that there’s one I’ve had REAL difficulty just washing my hands of, but I think we’re finally there. Woohoo.

Just leave them to stew in their own juices is the only healthy advice one can offer. They hurt you, so follow the passive course & let them just continue on hurting themselves in their activities…  Sometimes you just cannot help more than you already have tried to. Life will likely return the favor to them. 

So, Frack you, “The Web”! (Delusional, proud when unhinged [christ!, it's unreal], & damaging to anyone who spends time in ‘The Web’)

& you too, ‘C’ (Just plain hurtful by not being there when it counted, selfish instead) while we’re at it.

* NO, NOT you…. These two know who they are. If we named names we’d be in deeper shit than we want around here. I’m certain their ears are burning as it is.*

(Picture ascii art of a middle finger here..  NYA !) Found it:

        .-.
        |-|
        | |
     _.-|=|-.
    / | | | |
    |       |
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          /`
      |   |

It’s four year old data, but… Cars that get 60 mpg ? Really?
http://money.cnn.com/pf/features/lists/gasmileage/

WHERE is my Geo Metro that got 55+ back in 1991? Why aren’t we driving millions of those already, You gas-guzzling, Ozone-depleting noodleheads ? My truth- I get 25MPG with my vehicle required for business, and minimize my trips in & out of Dodge to the minimum. Even that should have an alternative that gets 40+, and it doesn’t exist!

“There oughta be a law” – anything that gets less than 15MPG needs a special permit, be it an RV, dumptruck, ancient Buick or whatever.

I’ll reference Mr. Carlin’s material to remind you of his guess; This earth will become “a smoking ball of shit” at some point in the near future, and we all are still working hard every day to bring that about. What have you done to help defer this inevitability???

[Me: I recycle, re-use, re-purpose to an almost demented degree, try to use replenishable fuels when possible, and try to CUT DOWN my personal additions to the landfills.] I’ve seen too many people that THINK they recycle – but don’t significantly, to have confidence in our race triumphing this MAJOR problem.

Ever wondered if it was a dream … or something more? Something that had strong multiple feelings riding along with it, giving it more meaning than just a dream… at least to the heart that perceives it. Perhaps suggesting it be classified as a ‘vision”? Perhaps convincing you at that moment that it was- a vision? Perhaps even reminding you of past distant glimpses that were more than just Deja Vu, of things that had come to pass that you had had a glimmer of in advance?

Our own minds are a great and terrible Land of Oz. Someone fetch me some tea?

A bit to bake your noodle- our own eyes see the world without time, sometimes. Some eggheads wrote something this summer about our eyes & why we see optical illusions. Something to the tune of our eyes ‘predicting the future’, in their own way. I’ll google it up for us all to ponder.

URL: ~www.geocities.com/changizi/prpp_msnindia.pdf [html converted]

PDF: http://www.geocities.com/changizi/prpp_msnindia.pdf
Say Ohm … It might be a Monday!

Can we just hunt down these people one by one, and choke some shame, guilt, & penitence out of them?

I mean, really, think hard about ALL the time wasted by waiting to download & sift through SPAM, the millions spent trying to prevent SPAM, and the havoc it wreaks, from corporate I.T. centers to dial-up grannies. The time /you/ waste further sifting it, or paying attention to fake profiles on MySpace, Yahoo, True, or wherever you social network… Created to bless you with their Bullshit marketing messages, which in themselves are even misleading and stealthy.

WHY are we so gullible? This shit WORKS for them, which is the MOST astonishing thing, in all this. Maybe there’s some truth to “The Masses are Asses” ? Did you really sign up for $212 a month in crap you don’t need, in order to get that “free” iPod?? Did you really think that shelly4235b@hotmail.com or dave333@wonk.ru was interested in you, and sign up for $40 a month at FriendORama, to find out her/his profile doesn’t even exist there? Did you really send a cell phone text to 12345 to commit to $8 a month to get “Babe” pictures on your fly phone? (My head hangs in shame for my fellow americans)
If you can answer yes… Hmm… No wonder Dubbya got elected/permitted in this country, we’ve all been stupified. And YOU ARE GETTING RIPPED OFF DAILY.

If you can answer yes… You’re unwittingly making it worse, by encouraging their further abuse of your wallet.

People, let’s get MERCILESS on this, and tolerate no more! Grab a digital Pitchfork (Or a real one, for Christ sake!) and march on these Bozos. Lawful Regulation, my friends, could stem the tide a bit. “Turn the other cheek”, you say? Frack that! You’re getting ripped off, you fools.

Maybe start with the TV folk that AIR the damn commercials about BabePictures & FlirtyText… Slap every man you know & remind him he’s pissing $ away if he even thinks about it…

(We’ll complete the thought later.. gotta run)

I/We can imagine a comment [whining?] that we’re just too pessimistic here at OhChristWhatNow. Well, tough! <grin> I/We really do smile and laugh, even while writing this drivel that no one should bother reading. Monday this week did not suck, so there was little to add here. I/We are not all completely unhinged BiPolar entities. (Speaking of UnHinged, you remember the “flipTop head” toothbrush commercial? Picture that, now..) I’m almost certain you’ve noticed little smilies here & there. I also hope someone has noticed we’re capable of proper english and some degree of grammar, unlike many I run into online. Those folk may as well go buy their own “I R A College Student” t-shirts while they remember how to read….

Why the “I/We”? We may have more than just me, myself & I as contributors soon. Yes, believe it or not, -someone has- wasted their time reading this. And, even more remarkable, may choose to ADD to our drivel. Wow!

.. result in things like your own inner collapse after seeing something on TV that reminded you [poignantly] of your romantic past, ready to unexplainedly blubber in front of your friends. Not my fav.  What was that movie where both the M & F leads “erased” their memories of each other, only to have the memories break through the block? ["Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind"] Sounds like a nice idea, at first.. But a terrible loss exceeding the pain, if it were possible. It sucks to say it (and to hear it), but we can learn from all experiences, even the absurdly bad ones.

Our pessimistic friends at http://www.noutopia.com/ have some enjoyable posts.

“Bush McCain McBush BuCain CaBush McCush McBain McSame”

I was using passwords like “shudder” & “dubbya” before he took office… I think we all still have that scared rabbit feeling, no ??

We’re all but circling the drain, people. If we keep up at present pace, Ol’ George (Carlin !) will be right; In 100 years, our Big Blue Marble may well be “A smoking ball of shit.”

Cheaper, snazzier iPhones coming, so we’ll hear about tech junkies sleeping on sidewalks to get the sometime in July. Christ, get a life!! Play with your schmeckie for a few weeks until the demand drops off, maybe save a couple bucks…

Well, Frack, the day’s just been a black hole to my productivity. Too bad one cannot just pull a curtain past your door or cubicle gateway that says “Frack off for today, I’m TRYing to get all the other shit done!”. But, then there would be the one dink that ignores it, sweeps it aside and asks if you could just do their “one little thing”…  Perhaps triggering some sort of phychotic episode, complete with a blackout and a foggy memory of where the body might be.

I’ll bet you never knew that when you went down to your corporate IT center, the overworked NetAdmin was imagining how well yours (your body) would fit under the raised floor they have in such places…  [Big white squares, is this ringing a bell?] Don’t worry, if you’re fat, you’re safe, there’s usually only 11″ of clearance down there. Yes, I DO know people who have measured it- twice.

I work in technology, BUT: Modern computing still doesn’t make sense, in some regards. (1) Things that sound simple, like cutting & pasting text from a PDF into email. Why, gods why, can it not paste it in the same ORDER that it appears in the PDF? It’s just too much to ask, it seems. SO, here I am wasting 22 more minutes of my time RE-ordering the text ‘bits’ so it makes sense. Because it HAS to be plain text, and the only source without re-typing the whole shebang, is a PDF. Rrrr

(2) WHY, for gods sake, can we not import/export easily between all the different email clients without deep research, great pains, etc etc? We DO know what year it is, don’t we? Manually moving a list of 50+ contacts the hard way is just simply absurd!!

Oh boy, this woman has had some bad experiences, but it’s posted in good fun, so you gotta go see it.
See the great egress here !

Bummer, they pulled it. I thought it good enough to archive, lol, so look for it here soon.

(Originally http://westernmass.cxxxxxlist.org/w4m/730072351.html)

Okay, so there’s like 2 MILLION viruses for Winblows, aren’t U glad you chose the more popular platform? <snicker>

You can’t go 18 minutes without keeping all the defenses up, because the web is a dangerous place- for YOU. I have witnessed a clean install of XP become infected in that short a time, right before my eyes. Meanwhile, 90% of the Mac users I know don’t even run anti-virus software..

Now, at long last, there’s a new Trojan Horse available for the Mac, so heads up. (I think this makes… THREE, now ?)

http://news.yahoo.com/s/nf/20080623/….

3 vs 2,000,000 Shit, I know I want the one with MORE viruses, yeah !
(Ok, so I keep a PC at work, too. BUT I know 15% of its power goes to the necessary defenses.)

For the top comedian of our era. A sad day, indeed. I KNEW something was wrong in the universe..
George Carlin died sunday, of heart failure, at 71.

Frack, he was right…
“Although some criticized parts of his later work as too contentious, Mr. Carlin defended the material, insisting that his comedy had always been driven by an intolerance for the shortcomings of humanity and society. “Scratch any cynic,” he said, “and you’ll find a disappointed idealist.”

Still, when pushed to explain the pessimism and overt spleen that had crept into his act, he quickly reaffirmed the zeal that inspired his lists of complaints and grievances. “I don’t have pet peeves,” he said, correcting the interviewer. And with a mischievous glint in his eyes, he added, “I have major, psychotic hatreds.”

My memory thinks this blog’s name was a quote from this mythic figure, who inspired me to just say NO to BullShit.
We’re gonna fracken miss ya, man.
I wonder whom or what he’s been re-incarnated as?

Thank you, AT&T. The ‘In France’ commercial was a marvel, the detail at the end of the dog dragging his ass across the carpet was just too good. From the imagination comes the detail that somewhere off camera is some poor schmoe with a latex glove, who was [we pray] paid a bit extra to make sure the dog would reliably do exactly that once released onto the rug. (Without leaving an offensive stripe…)

Just what is going through this guy’s/gal’s mind when their handiwork proves successful? Think about that, LOL…

Do they get kudos around the water cooler, or what? “Great job, Sam!” “Great job, Sally!”
Did their coworkers dodge their high-fives, for weeks?

Do I smell a CLEO award? Oh, wait a minute… Did you wash your hands ?

Stumbled across some old joke motivational poster images. This one struck me chuckling.

I’m unique, too.. But yes, that does not ALWAYS make one useful.  Hard truth, straight up.

I used to know someone who was just SO proud that they were a fracked up, malformed adult. This one was capable of horrible outsized anger, and under the delusion they could excuse their psych abuse because they were “unique” . Unique didn’t save them from being labeled as “damaged goods” in the community.  Too damaged to associate with… beyond sad

Proof in the pudding that a certain internet dating site tries to stir things up by having computer-automated winks & email sent among their members- when you apparently email yourself four times in a day. I don’t think so! Sure, narcissism has its moments, but give me a fracking break, you fools.

Five minute+ run-on message from a customer (Far more info than what is required..) – $0
Annoyance that it’s on the cell line you Specifically asked someone NOT to give to folks – $0
Headache from the details of what they describe in the message – $0
Fact that they failed to leave their phone number (And apparently not listed in the phonebook, AND caller ID did not nab it, AND the 3rd party did not provide it to you…) – $Priceless

…is pointless, obviously. Just another place to bitch about the things that would make you exclaim “Oh, Christ! What Now?!?”. More likely to piss off the mentally unbalanced than ever before (And believe me, I have some not-too-distant experience there). If you can’t handle it, please disregard our Frackin’ bad words & go elsewhere for your bitching blog.

(Comment by “Booger”: “Hmm, mentally unbalanced, was that you or someone else that was a bit scribbly?”)   (Admin: “Someone else, frack you very much!  Hitting twenty-plus “psychological abuse” nails <em>right</em> on the head, and making it complete- with a well-orchestrated, self-supporting delusion to cap it all off!”)

Frustrated with a client-  Phrase of the day: “How about y’all MAKE A CHOICE ?”  I lay out [3 times, no FOUR!] that choice #1 must be made first, then & only then we can talk about choice #2…    Is it just too much to ask?  Thank You

Please, just shut the Frack up and wait your turn!
Does the phone have to ring every two minutes? If your call couldn’t be answered at 10:32 , WHAT the Frack makes you think that trying again at 10:34 makes sense? This is not a 911 line, for god sake. Nobody gives a shit, but I had to shout it somewhere. Thank you.

IF I could tell the voicemail system to get “pissed off” and delete all your messages after 4 tries in 10 minutes, I assure you, I would.

(Comment by “Booger”: “How about if I call at 10:37 ? THEN would you drop everything, teleport to your desk, and answer it dutifully? Because, well, I have no [Frack]ing patience, and my issue is THE most important one in the world !!”)

061808 OhChristWhatNow is finally pushing steam out the stack… Please stand by… Why the hell would we, if you’re too lazy to post something. Why do they bother with an “Under Construction” sign on sites if it’s pretty plain they’re not up to the task of adding content?

Can you tell how difficult it is to prevent even self-deprecation? We’ve got to say something if we’re gonna start posting without wasting your time